“Go ahead and jump, we’ll save you!”
There I was on the end of the diving board at Ridge Park Field House. It was a Brownie event, or maybe a birthday party and I was about ten years old. All my girlfriends were there and I wasn’t going to let a little thing like not being able to swim keep me from celebrating with the rest of them, despite my fear of the water.
I looked down to see Joan and Judy, treading water below the board waving and shouting at me, “Just put your arms up after you hit the water!” I looked around to see everyone nodding in encouragement, or maybe it was impatience, since I was holding up the line as I contemplated my fate. It was now or never. Do it or be forever teased, tortured, and branded a big chicken…
I’d rather drown.
What the heck–I held my nose, took a running jump, and cannonballed with a big splash–immediately sinking to the bottom of the pool. What had I done? Oh…dear…God! Just as I was beginning to panic, I remembered to raise my arms overhead and felt a push from beneath me. It was Judy, giving me a boost to the surface where Joan was waiting to help me to the side of the pool and safety.
Hoots and hollers from all the girls reverberated off the tile surfaces in appreciation of this miraculous feat. The chaperones were not at all pleased when they found out I couldn’t swim, and pulled me out of the pool as I sputtered and coughed up all the water I had swallowed.
I was elated. I had encountered fear; forged ahead anyway, and emerged victorious (translation: still breathing). I had trusted my friends and they came through for me. As I look back, I realize they did something even more important—they didn’t make me feel bad about not being able to swim, but cared enough about me to figure out a way to get me off the sidelines and include me in the festivities. So Very Nice. I will always hold a place for them in my heart.
Unfortunately, I don’t have the same warm feelings for the swimming pool.
Over the years I’ve had ambivalent bouts with swimming. I loved the water, but it still scared me to death. I went snorkeling in St. Croix wearing a life vest to keep me afloat, but couldn’t relax and trust it. I was so petrified that I didn’t see one fish or coral formation, just kept my eyes glued to the guide at the end of my line so I wouldn’t get lost.
I’ve tried “noodles” in the swimming pool. You know, those long foam tubes you can wrap around and tuck under your arms? Using one of those, I can paddle around with my head out of the water, but I feel like a toddler with water wings.
Finally, last fall I decided to do something about it. Enough with going through contortions, trying every device or technique to stay afloat and breath. I wanted to function under my own power, facing the fear, forging ahead, and emerging victorious once again.
Oh, and I would learn how to swim, too.
follow the continuing saga on my next post…
18 Comments
I am so excited about your blog and really look forward to it. I had sort of a similar experience with swimming lessons. I must think about that experience as a kid. Hmmmm. The good thing is that we are still learning about ourselves and are not afraid of the bad stuff. Gerri
P.S. Love, love, love the gorgeous photo – you gorgeous thing you. g
I thought I’d have it all worked out by NOW!
Always learning….
Thanks, Gerri!
As the saying goes, feel the fear and do it anyway! You’ve described how to build self-esteem beautifully.
Well, then my self-esteem must be flourishing!
Seems I’m staring fear in the face quite a bit…
thanks, Elise
I love the “enough is enough” attitude. Checking the swim-gremlin off your list has got to feel great.
enough IS enough!
We have been cousins all my life (you’re older), we certainly were raised by two very beautiful woman! It will be my very pleasure to get to know you thru your blog. It will be interesting to explore what we have in common and how we are different. We share grandparents, My Dad, who looks like Grandma Montesano, your Mom who looks like Grandpa Montesano. (My opions). I look like my Dad, but when I think of you and who you resemble I just think beauty! Both of our sets of parents were “good looking” and smart. Sometimes I wonder how my life would have been different if we had switched parents. I look forward to getting to know you Laura, (the face on the barroom floor) My Dad always called you that, after a song about a beautiful woman, that broke a guys heart. Feel free to come make my house beautiful anytime, you are rather brilliant!
You moved away from Chicago when we were so young that we really don’t know each other.
I do remember your dad changing the words to “Laura”, but I was SO embarrassed by the bar room reference!
I much preferred the original lyrics, the “face in the misty light”….thanks for connecting!
That ten year old girl had real courage to step off the end of that diving board.
It is no wonder you have matured into the brave woman you are today.
you’ve been with me for even more courageous steps off other diving boards and I’m so grateful.
thanks, Nancy!
“and I would learn to swim too” . . . love this. So true that on the way to learning one thing we often learn so much more. I am giving a speech about what I learned while learning to ride my motorcycle, and I am going to include what you learned while learning to swim. Thanks for the material! Keep inspiring, Laura!
always glad to help… life works so much better when we can inspire each other.
go for it, Carrie!
Laura dear, do write about conquering skiing. As I recall, you took that up as an adult and look at you now cruising around Aspen Mountain and environs. Every single year you suit up and buckle up!!! Pretty brave… Gerri
Laura, your conquering your fear of water is truly a metaphor for overcoming the fears and inhibitions we encounter in our lives in general.Interesting, when I began to read your story my first reaction was why we as women feel pressured to do things that we’d rather not. Why can’t we assert ourselves and say a resounding”no” to experiences and activities that for whatever reasons are objectionable to us? I’m a people pleaser and my biggest fear is disappointing friends, family and colleagues. I spend a good portion of my life doing things that are unfulfilling out of guilt and avoidance of disappointing people I love. So glad that you’re talking about these issues and inviting dialogue since none of us are getting younger;-) if we’re going to face our fears head on, there’s no better time than NOW!
That’s it exactly.
I’m glad you got that realization from my story, Daryl. I think it’s a common one for all of us “nice girls”!
No more guilt…
Laura did you grow up n Park Ridge? Where?How long were you there? I remember Hinkley pool and how desperately cold it was after I rode my bike there to take swimming lessons when I was very young. I also went to Maine South. We must talk . What a small world. Hillary Clinton and I went to school to together all those years. My Mother was our brownie leader.Did you know her?I am glad you conquered swimming!
No, Beverly on the south side. It’s Ridge Park Field House, not Park Ridge…
This will be my first summer as a swimmer!